*Originally published in Idaho Falls Magazine
I’m proud to say I have a therapist.
Of all the things to be proud of, why do I rank this in my top 5 for the past few years? Because it is terrifying to admit you are not OK. Mental health carries a negative and sometimes overwhelming stigma, and I was raised in a culture that taught grit and perseverance to the extreme. Mental health was not treated as physical health and I
cannot stress enough that all mental health matters are absolutely physical in nature.
Growing up as a daughter of immigrants, hard work trumped everything. There was absolutely nothing that couldn’t be overcome with hard work and enough positivity to annoy even tour guide Barbie. While I’m incredibly grateful for my upbringing and the struggles my family faced to be successful in a foreign land in order to give me a better future, I am now a mother myself and I am responsible for setting up my children with the best possible emotional toolbox as they mature and grow to be adults themselves. I am proud of the tools I already possess and I work with my kids regularly to help them identify specific emotions, to communicate openly and honestly, and to understand that shame and vulnerability happen, but they are simple hurdles and not roadblocks. When my mental health took a downward turn, however, I knew I needed someone who could help me stock up my emotional toolbox so that I could be a better woman and mother.
The search for a therapist was not simple. Not only are we in an area that seems to always be in need of more mental health professionals, but we were also in the middle of a healthcare crisis during pandemic peaks. Because of this, most mental health providers had excessive waiting lists and although I eventually got in to see a
couple of different therapists, they were just a terrible fit for me. Due to my nature of shaming and guilting myself into believing I’m fine when I’m not, I allowed this to convince me that others needed the help more than I did and that the timing was just not right.
Do not do this!
If you, like me, took entirely too long to decide you needed professional help, know that the awareness of that need and making the decision to schedule an appointment are the hardest steps. I finally began my search again this year and am incredibly grateful I have found an excellent counselor that has been my lifeline on more than one occasion.
I have been attending weekly therapy for several months, first via telehealth and now in person. I have learned invaluable truths about myself as a partner, friend, daughter, mother, and most importantly, as a woman. I have grown in unexpected ways and, though it hasn’t always been a straight line of improvement, the growth is present
even on the hard days.Some days, we discuss my past and how it shapes my triggers and thought patterns. Other days, I use my hour to vent about work, family or the world in general. During our weekly sessions, I have learned about healthy boundary setting, anxiety reducing techniques and innumerable other skills. I have purchased recommended workbooks, flash cards, and books. I have spent my free time exploring myself in ways unimaginable prior to beginning my mental health journey. Besides the learning process, I have also found that I thrive in a safe environment to speak about my thoughts, beliefs, struggles and successes. My therapist is like a friend I pay to always tell me the truth and to ask leading questions in order to encourage development.
Look, I know some will read this and think I’m crazy for speaking out loud about things that should remain private. I understand those sentiments, I do, but it is only because of brave women and mothers before me that spoke out about a previously “private” matter that I had the strength to admit that I was not okay. I am proud to be part of a generation that is working hard to end the stigma surrounding mental health to make it more accessible to those who need it. I firmly believe that mental health should be treated as physical health and that everyone, with or without a mental health diagnosis, can benefit from at least a few sessions with a licensed counselor.
Despite my fear or discomfort, I am honored to be brave in a public forum to tell you, whether male or female, mother or not, that it is ok to not be ok and that it is ok to ask for help. You don’t have to be strong, you don’t have to push through and most importantly, you do not have to do it alone.
