Hi. I’m upset today. I have spent literal hours over the past weeks having uncomfortable situations with people trying to educate and love them through their lack of understanding when it comes to racism and treatment of people in the BIPOC communities. Truthfully, I don’t know if people forget I am a woman of color or if they just don’t give a single fuck about being hurtful or if maybe I’m perceived as a safe space to express these harmful ideologies. Either way, I’m gonna go ahead and make a quick little list of things I’m sick and fucking tired of hearing from people… This is in no way a comprehensive list and is honestly probably more a rant than anything.
- The N-word is off limits. Period. No question. No First Amendment right bullshit argument. There are millions of other words. Use whatever tf you want, but not that one. Don’t understand? Doesn’t matter. Just don’t fucking use it. Simple.
- White privilege is real. I’m sorry you’ve experienced hardships. I’m sorry you had a difficult childhood and grew up poor with shitty parents. I’m heartbroken to hear about your very valid traumas. NONE of those were caused simply because of your skin color. There is no denying that having white skin allows certain advantages over those with a darker skin tone. It’s bullshit and confusing to understand, I know, but accept it and quit whining that privilege isn’t real.
- Just because hair, clothes, etc aren’t important to your culture doesn’t mean they aren’t to others’. Appropriation is harmful and it’s not up to anyone besides those being appropriated to decide if it’s harmful. “It’s just hair.” is really easy to say when your culture isn’t deeply rooted in the presentation of it. I was raised to believe straight, sleek hair was seen as cleaner and more professional. Many Black men and women are STILL being discriminated against because of locs or natural hair. Cultures around the world have beliefs about the sacred nature of hair. If you don’t have any particular beliefs around your hair, be grateful that hairstyles aren’t a defining characteristic of your culture and success and move tf on.
- Quit centering yourself. Amplify voices of the BIPOC communities around you. Share their voices and their information. This isn’t about you, and by making it about you, you’re silencing our voices.
- White men are statistically more successful in America than ANY other group including white women. Are there improvements being made? Yes, but it’s slow and hurtful. Shut up and accept it and work daily to fix it.
- Do your own research. Quit relying on your friends to answer these questions. It is EXHAUSTING sometimes to have to be the one to answer these questions when there are whole ass books, essays, TED talks, videos, etc available that answer these questions so much better than I ever could. Look for the information that is already out there.
While I’m sure there are many other things I could write, I’ll leave it here because even writing this is emotionally draining, but I’d like to close with this:
Your intentions do not outweigh the harm of your words.
If a marginalized person tells you what you’ve said is harmful to them, accept it. Be a decent person, apologize, and sit in those feelings of discomfort. Grow. I know you can.
